Features From August 2009

Foundation Introducing Nick Merlino

Nick Merlino is an amazing skateboarder; those that have seen him skate in person know how hard he rips. Nick’s lack of talent off a skateboard is what worries me and a lot of others out there. In the past year that I have known Nick I have noticed that he is socially retarded and not a day goes by without someone telling me something embarrassing about him. I honestly can’t wait to see what’s next from New Jersey’s biggest fuck up. Whatever you see from Nick you can bet your ass it’s going to be shocking.
- Mike Sinclair

Photos John Coulthard

What's your full name?
Nicholas J Merlino the third?

Oh shit, there are three of you in this world.
Yeah man.

Wow, we're fucked.
On a scale of 1-10 what do you think your chances of you blowing it will be on Foundation?
Ahh man 10 for sure.

I know you are going to blow it.... I'm just not sure how fast you will really fuck it all up.
I don't either know man.

You grew up in Atlantic City, New Jersey right?

Do you have Dirty Jersey pride?
Fuck Yeah!

Atlantic City is the biggest shit hole in America.
Pretty much, it's the butt hole of America. A sweaty ass hole.

How short are you?
Like 5 - 5

Why are you so short?
My Dad, he's a fucking dwarf.

I heard you are a licensed Black Jack dealer in Atlantic City?
Yeah, hell yeah. Fucking Poker school I love that shit man, it’s the best. That’s the only good thing I’ve ever done in my life.

I don.t trust you with my car keys so why should anyone or I ever trust you dealing them cards?
Cause I got quick hands. The hand is quicker than the eye.

After Skateboarding will you go back to dealing cards?
Ahh Hell No. Just with my dad sipping on whiskey and some beers. Private games are sicker and it’s funny playing with my dad and it’s like a scene straight out of Goodfellas.

Why deal cards in broke down Atlantic City? All the high rollers are in Vegas...
That's where we get back to me being stuck the butt hole of America.

Some might say and would you agree that you are "Skateboarding Cooler"
Shit, I mean one time this kid was skating in front of me at a skatepark and he did a kickflip, the board shot up and hit him in the mouth, he got a vagina on his mouth… I don't think it was because of me but you never know... I probably am a skate cooler now that I think about it.

What goes through your little brain on a daily basis?
Just a lot of crazy shit... I think about me eating shit all the time, Diarrhea panic attacks, just weird chaos shit.

I have noticed that you don't have any skate manners
I guess half the time I don't realize what the fuck I'm doing.

You snake your own teammates at the spot.
I just can't wait that fucking long.

What the Fuck is your problem?
A.D.D. is my biggest problem. I just can’t wait to land my shit, I'm too goddamn impatient and I want to get it over with.

You know you got the worst rap in skateboarding right?
Yeah. Oh hell yeah.

How are you going to change peoples view or have you changed at all?
I guess I’m not.

Ok, let's set the record straight here for those who don't know your past? You got on Baker's flow program for a hot second you, then you went to Australia with the team, got kicked off Baker, broke your ankle, started dealing cards in Atlantic City, came out to L.A., What all really happened?
Shit man, a lot of couch surfing, filming, just sticking with it and trying to do it and then you ended up giving me stuff again. Why do you talk so loud?
Cause my dad is hard of hearing, I have to say shit 10 times before he can hear me so I have been yelling all my life.

Name one person in the skateboard industry that is more annoying than you.
Chris Mendez, I know I'm dumb but this motherfucker takes the crown.

You once told me that you are a late bloomer. Is that your way of telling me you are slightly retarded?

How would you deal with yourself if you actually had to take care of yourself?
I would try to find a sugar momma. I’m good with the ladies all damn day.

You know you are the neediest son of a bitch I have ever met right?
Yeah fuck yeah, I know man.

How much money do you have in your pocket right now?
Actually I'm not completely broke right now, I got a buck forty. I'm a go get a green tea. A tall-boy Arizona Ice Tea

Ok, this is some real life shit Nick: Answer the following questions to your best ability and I’ll give you your sucking-at-life score at the end.
Are you ready?

You need $20 bucks. Do you:
a) Steal it from your mom’s purse.
b) Sell a Foundation board to a kid outside of your local skateshop
c) Put your last $5.00 on blackjack and try to turn it into $20
d) Ask me for $20 and have no intension of ever paying me back

Ask me for $20 and have no intension of ever paying me back

If you meet three assholes in a day, chances are:
a) People are just stupid
b) I don’t know how come everyone is such an asshole that I meet
c) I’m the asshole
d) You’re the asshole

I’m the asshole

People call you:
a) The King of LA
b) Dick Burrito
c) Flex
d) All the above

All the above

The fastest I have ever been kicked out of a house that I rented was
a) 1 minute
b) 1 hour
c) 1 day
d) 1 week

1 day

When I talk I don’t
a) Think
b) Remember what I’m actually saying
c) Use my brain
d) All the Above

All the Above

You spend all your money on..
a) I have no idea
b) Weed
c) Cigarettes
d) Beer

All the Above

Your parents have called me to talk about how insane you are
a) 1 time
b) 5 times
c) All the time
d) Never

All the time

Things you will never be able to do are
a) Balance a check book
b) Afford an apartment
c) Have common sense
d) Not piss anyone off in 24 hrs

Not piss anyone off in 24 hrs

Who would you like to give thanks to?
Everyone at Tum Yeto, all my friends and family from Jersey, Center City Sports, Corey Duffel, Mike Sinclair, Mike Kretivics, Jon Coulthard, The Fuzz, Mike Burnett, Destructo, Tod Swank and P Tap.

Please share some Nick Merlino wisdom right now with us all.
I don’t really have any wisdom; I’m just a turd here stinking up the earth.

What’s one thing you will try to accomplish today?
The day is over so I hope the accomplish rolling this blunt.

Do you have any last words?

Oh yeah, your sucking at life score is at an all time high…. Welcome to Foundation.
Fuck Yeah!

John Coulthard

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Posted August 19th, 2009 by wrench